Thursday, November 13, 2008

Lethargy

I'm not sure if it's the weather, or the alignment of Venus relative to Pluto, or some sort of generic cyclical effect that I can't quite comprehend, but every now and then I get hit with periods of great lethargy. The coming of the fall semester at college may have kick started it, or maybe I never fully fell back in the zone after recovering from knee surgery, but damn... you ever just want to not get out of bed?

I'm not a lazy person per se, but dammit, I've felt like a lazy person since late August. It takes forever for me to get the motivation to clean my apartment (and sometimes it falls to embarrassing levels of clutter), I limp by in my school assignments (though I am a senior; maybe some of that is to be expected now), and that getting out of bed thing? Lately it's all but impossible for me to rise early, and I find myself languishing in bed until I'm absolutely compelled to drag myself to my feet due to a class or whatnot.

How do people motivate themselves? One theory is that human beings are motivated entirely by fear. The fear of death, of not being able to have a roof over their heads or central heating, etc. Maybe that's the issue. I live a reasonably comfortable lifestyle. I don't have to worry about food, clothing, or warmth. I even have the ability to distract myself with expensive video game systems and a solid collection of literature. But that doesn't sound right. I mean, beyond the fact that it's depressing to think that we're only productive when we're suffering, there are countless examples of well-off, driven, motivated people.

So do I hate myself? No, I don't think that's it. I'm rather fond of me. Sure, I have my own foibles and issues; things I'd like to change (lethargy being one of them). Do I just not care? I don't care about some things, perhaps. To quote Billy Joel, I used to think of myself as ". . . a romantic, I'm such a passionate man!" But as time ticks on and you get a bit older, some of that passion which is usually wrapped up in the idealism of youth tends to subside. But I'm not a bitter old guy sitting on a rocking chair cackling at the kids who walk by. Yet. I guess I just have to force myself to do better. At the end of the day, you're all you've got. Sure, your friends are there to help you in times of need, and support you, but they can't make you change your behavior. Your friends can be a sympathetic ear and give you suggestions if you want to quit smoking, for example, but only you can quit smoking.

This isn't a pity post. More like a philosophical musing. One thing I think might help is exercise. I live a pretty sedentary lifestyle, and if I got the blood pumping for 30 minutes a day I bet that'd help. I was able to use my knee surgery as an excuse for awhile, and though I don't have my full strength and mobility back yet, I'm at least capable of dragging my ass around the block a few times, or using a treadmill. Alright, so that's how I'm going to end this post. I'm going to exercise 30 minutes a day for the next week, dammit, and I'll report my findings back to you. Consider this a psychological and physiological experiment.

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